The Itch to Twitch

I don’t have head lice – at least not yet. But when an unknown bird calls in the bush I squirm and I feel my scalp begin to crawl. When a LBJ flits away in long grass it rubs me the wrong way. Now here. Then there. Back again and gone. It keeps me obsessively scratching my head – what was that bird? It could still be in there. Lurking. Watching. Just waiting for me to stop scratching and turn my back.

Itching is defined as a sensation of the skin that provokes the urge to scratch. The itch can be localized or widespread, acute or chronic, and range from mild to out of control. Itching can occur anywhere. Anywhere where birds are found. I confess I have an itch…

Twitching, on the other hand, is more psychosomatic. It’s more in your head than on your head. Psychologists have identified this involuntary, sudden jerking or convulsive movement, as a genuine physical affliction caused by emotional anxiety. Now, emotional anxiety when twitching I can understand. It means that my problem is real! One can develop severe muscle-strain by convulsively jerking your binos from one bird to another. But the emotional stress of dipping out on a lifer is akin to forgetting your binos at home on a Birding Big Day.

I have a bad itch to twitch. This itch to twitch, I constantly remind myself, is just a mild case of bird flu. But bird flu can be fatal. Why then, should anyone risk exposing oneself to this virus? Problem is - you don’t know how bad it is until you are chronically itching to twitch.

When the itch gets worse, and sober self-diagnosis and assessment doesn’t work, I drink a glass of Scotland’s best. No water, no ice. And then perhaps a wee dram more. I try to relax; I try not to twitch. I try not to think of my impending demise due to avian exposure. I try to focus on higher things, better things; like a fan-tailed widow…

So, I am a twitcher. A “twitcher” is a slightly derogative term, or a highly idolised term, used by those birders who can’t count, to describe those who can. A twitcher has a compulsive need to go after rare birds found by other people. Twitchers are obsessive list-keeping individuals who see rare birds, tick them off, and often never look at those birds again. Twitchers invariably have huge lists that only impress other twitchers. Birders, in contrast, have huge camera lenses that impress the hell out of everybody. Birders genteelly refer to themselves as birdwatchers. Twitchers mostly do not have the time for the tedious activity of birdwatching, because there might be a rare vagrant in the next bush. Surprisingly, twitchers with huge lists are not always good birders. They often suck at identifying birds, because they leave all that wearisome activity to birdwatchers.